I stand firm on this promise Lord. You are my PROTECTOR, my SHIELD and my STRENGTH in times of trouble. You will never leave me or forsake me, of this I am assured.
Tag: Being Real
Power in Being Real
Awhile back I had finally worked up the nerve to watch one of the sermons Jonathan preached. I knew shortly after turning it on that it was something I needed to hear. My counselor once said that God knew back then what messages to speak through Jonathan, what people needed to hear. This one was all about being yourself, being real. He spoke about how God truly does create each one of us unique and with purpose. Jonathan used an analogy of how people always want to be someone like else. Like him wanting to have the gifting of teaching and knowing the Bible inside and out, like others he knew. Or, someone wanting to be like him and having the gift of being a great musician. 
If we are always looking to be more like someone else, we are missing out on doing the work God has for us to do. Much like a machine having many parts that need to perform a specific function in order for the machine to properly work as a whole, we as individuals are needed to use our own special gifting in order for His plan to come to pass. We are all pieces of the puzzle that are put together to do God’s work. 
My husband was far from perfect and he was the first person to admit that. However, he was courageous enough to often make public the mistakes he made. In that honesty, people’s lives were touched. People felt free to be themselves and know that no one is perfect. You don’t have to live in the shame that was your past. You aren’t defined by the mistakes you make. God can clean up and heal the mistakes we’ve made. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need him right?
I am reminded of the following Bible verse: 1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God…
In the darkness lies guilt and shame. The light brings grace and mercy. The light brings forgiveness and freedom.
I am still traveling through this painful path called grief. But, being able to share Jonathan’s words and stories makes me feel good. His life on this side of heaven meant something. And the revelation that his life can continue to touch others long after his eternal journey in heaven began, gives me hope, even if for now it’s just a glimmer. We may not be able to see him. We may not be able to hear his voice. But I assure you that he is not gone. And as much as I would trade anything to have him here with me now, I am honored to be able to keep his memory and powerful testimony alive until I’m with him on the other side. So, that is what I choose to do. 
Be confident in yourself and who you were made to be. Know who you are, own it and be proud to be unique. Don’t hide, put on a mask or play a role. Be the same person Monday -Saturday as the the person who walks into the church building on Sunday. When you are real, others can be touched by your imperfect life and journey.
The Pain is Worth the Cost
The pain of losing a spouse and watching your kids grieve the loss of their parent, brings a sorrow that I can’t quite put into words. It’s unlike any feeling I could’ve ever even imagined.
It is said that “it” gets better in time. Just give it time. Time heals all wounds. As well meaning as the one saying these things might be, it’s just not true.
“It” doesn’t get better and it most certainly doesn’t go away. But, you do learn to live with it. It becomes a part of you. Just as the person you grieve leaves an unexplainable void in your heart and life, the impact they had while living leaves an imprint in who you are. As you carry the pain that their loss leaves, you also carry them with you.
Deep grief is the price you pay for deep love. It is always worth the cost.
The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore
When you don’t fit where you used to, you grieve that like any other loss. But, if you don’t fit anymore, you don’t. Move forward. We aren’t supposed to have to fight for a place in people’s lives.
I was talking to one of my long time friends today and we were talking about regret or being able to go back and take certain things back. I told her that every little bit of our lives along the way, bad and good, make up where and who we are today.
When you feel like you don’t fit where you used to, it can take you to a really low place. It hurts! The thing to remember is; it’s not your fault, don’t stay there. Move forward knowing that God will place you where you fit, perfectly.
Is There Really a Choice?
I’ll be honest, there have been several times where I truly wanted to throat punch someone who said to me that happiness is a choice. I often thought to myself, “how in the world is it as easy as saying that I choose to be happy when I feel so bad?” I have even told myself several times, “just make a decision to be happy!”
Ugh, if only it were that easy!
It didn’t matter how many times I told myself that I was going to be happy, the weight of the reality I was facing and the feelings I felt weighed more in comparison to that choice.
I finally realized though, it really is as simple as making a choice. I can wake up each day and entertain all of the feelings I am faced with, all of the thoughts floating around in my head or, I could just tell myself that none of those things matter and it was going to be a good day. Now, I might have to tell myself that very same thing 20 times in that same day but, the attitude I was choosing was much better than the alternative!
Long story short, here is what I tell myself now: “Joni, you either trust God or you don’t.” So yeah, it’s not easy but I am making a conscious decision every day to put my trust in the one who actually has a say in what happens!
One day at a time. Sometimes, one hour or even, one minute at a time.
Tell me the reason…
I stumbled upon this article and it just honestly made my day. Take a minute to read it and then tell me, what do you think??
https://faithit.com/christine-suhan-christians-stop-saying-everything-happens-reason/
Bringing Light to Dark Places
How do you start your day? Coffee? Shower? Excercise? Excited to get your day started?Hitting snooze 15 times? Dreading what is ahead? To be perfectly honest (and this makes me cringe to say this) each morning starts with dread; the moment I open my eyes. At least, it has been that way. I would wake up and feel this terrible feeling come over me; a heaviness that I couldn’t explain if I tried. I would drag myself out of bed, only because I had to because of the kids, and that feeling stayed with me; all day. I felt sad and anxious, overwhelmed and tired; SO TIRED. I was walking through my day in an absolute fog. It has been like that longer than I would like to admit.
So, if you can at all relate to what I described, you can understand what it’s like to struggle with grief and/or depression and anxiety. If you can’t relate, I am telling you, you have something to be extremely grateful for! I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Whether what you are feeling is passed down from family, is seasonal, is situational, is complicated grief, PTSD, and so on… It’s a struggle and it is a very real thing that sometimes has a negative sort of stigma attached to it; which is beyond unfortunate.
Thinking on this subject, especially that part about the negative stigma, I started doing research for statistics out of curiosity. I first started looking at numbers surrounding people affected by mental health and they are staggering! I dug a little deeper until I was stopped at the part that just broke my heart. Suicide. This is the reason that the stigma needs to be changed! Mental health is a very important thing and if not taken care of, those with poor mental health could end up in a situation where there is no turning back. Some of the statistics I read about were relating to those with mental health issues that are left untreated. Those numbers were just plain scary to me! Why??? I can only guess that it’s mostly a result of unnecessary embarrassment or shame. And guess what? I realized that I get it!!!
It took me a long time to realize that I needed help for my anxiety and depression. Once I knew I needed help, I still didn’t pursue i. I can’t answer why for everyone else but I can open up and be honest about myself; that will be in my next post.
Some statistics about suicide:
- Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America
- 44, 965 (Americans) commit suicide each year
- For every one completed suicide, there are 25 attempts
- On average there are 123 suicides each day
- It is expected that the 2017 statistics will show a significant increase
- Children committing suicide is becoming more prevalent
This cannot be okay, it just can’t! This is what I call a crisis. My heart is burdened to get involved somehow but I’m not sure what that will look like. For now, I can openly and without shame, talk about it. We have to talk about this and bring light to those dark places so that more people will feel like they can get the help they need!
