What happens when you reframe your grief trigger days

Dealing with the anniversary of a loved one's passing is never easy. These dates, along with birthdays and holidays, often act as triggers that bring up negative emotions and a deep sense of mourning. Today marks nine years since my father passed away, and I want to share how I am navigating this day through a process called reframing.

Reframing is a mindset shift. Instead of allowing a trigger day to be defined solely by the loss, we look for ways to build new thoughts and memories. In my office, I have my father's bookshelves and many of his books that I kept after he passed. I even have the recliner he used to sit in. These aren't just objects, they are mementos that remind me of his life.

When I look at these things, I choose to reflect on the wisdom I received from him. I think about the lessons he taught me and the impact he had on my life. By focusing on what I gained from him during his time on earth, I am able to switch my mindset. It moves me away from a state of straight mourning and into a place of honoring his legacy.

This is a practice we discuss often in the Grief to Life program. It is about learning to remember the life that was lived rather than focusing exclusively on the death. Everyone has different trigger days, whether it is an anniversary, a birthday, or a special holiday. When those days arrive, I encourage you to find something small you can do to reframe your thinking.

Think about what you can do to celebrate their memory. What did they teach you? What part of them do you still carry with you? By shifting our perspective, we can find a way to navigate these difficult dates with a sense of peace and gratitude for the time we had.