Memories Have To Do

I missed you so much today.

I’ll miss you tomorrow too.

Not a single day goes by

that I don’t think of you.

How does a heart broken

continue to beat?

How can it possibly go on

when there are pieces forever missing

because you are gone?

Some say, “you need to get past it.”

Some say, “enough time has gone by.”

They can’t fathom this kind of pain.

I wouldn’t want them to even try.

There are days I feel it’s too much.

There are times I think I can’t make it through.

I remind myself, someday we’ll be together again.

For now, the memories will have to do.

I Have Learned

The older I get, the more wisdom I gain, and as my relationship with the Lord continues to evolve and grow, things just become much more simplified.

I don’t worry about the things that I used to. Things that used to get me upset/worked up, things that used to hurt my feelings, etc. just don’t matter to me the way they used to. I know what is important and who is important in my life and I choose to put my focus in those places. I have learned how to use the word no more often and when appropriate. I have learned to stand up for myself, other people, and the things that I believe in. The coolest part about that is that I have learned that standing up for yourself doesn’t always require taking action. I have learned that it is more than okay, and even healthy, to distance myself from things and people that do not add to my life. I don’t have relationships out of obligation. I have chosen not to make commitments only out of obligation. I have learned to take the time to stop and think about where my time, which is so valuable, is best spent. I put my energy towards and invest myself in what best serves me, my children, and my goals. There is good reason behind what I do, what I say, and the decisions I make and not only do I stand firmly behind each of those things; I owe no one an apology or explanation for them either. I have learned that you teach people how to treat you and I no longer have any interest in allowing myself to be in any situation in which I am treated any less than what I deserve. I have learned that what other people think of me and what they have said or might say about me is none of my business. I do not need to defend myself or correct anyone who speaks untruths about me. God will take care of that! I have learned to forgive and let go, even when forgiveness isn’t asked for. I have learned to pray for those who have hurt me, give that hurt to God, and move forward with peace in my heart. I have learned, whole heartedly believe, and trust in the fact that God is my defender and my protector and will take care of all matters concerning me.

Life is too short and I’m too busy, working toward things that line up with the will of God for my life, to care about insignificant things anymore.

I have been through hell and back. I have fallen, been in places of hopelessness and wanted to give up.

BUT most importantly…

I have overcome many things that could have completely broken me. I have gotten back up, dusted myself off many times, and continued to move forward. I have grown. I have learned.

Break the Silence

People are often afraid to bring up our loved ones. They, with the best of intentions, don’t want to say something that might bring hurt or pain.

Let me help you.

There isn’t anything that can hurt me worse or cause more pain than I’ve already experienced.

That being said, please know that the silence is what brings hurt.

We NEED to hear their names.

We WANT people to talk about them, to tell stories, etc.

Help us by reminding us that they haven’t been forgotten.

#SayTheirName

just.show.up.

Why are people so scared of grief?
Why are people so uncomfortable with other people’s pain; so much so that people would rather stay away than actually be there when you are hurting??
I’ve thought about this SO many times over the last five years. For the longest time I have done nothing but make excuses for people. But let’s get honest here…
When someone has a major loss in their life, shouldn’t people be around? Is it that person’s responsibility to reach out and try and get people to be there? Maybe the answer is yes, I don’t know. But you know what? I think that is not only wrong, but it flat out sucks!!!
Look, I get that people are uncomfortable with other people’s pain. I get that it’s easier for people to assume that the person has lots of people around them and tons of support. I get that it’s easier to just think, aren’t they over it already??
Guess what??? When someone suffers a life altering loss, they don’t expect you to have all the right answers. They don’t expect you to fix it. You don’t know what to say?? Let me help you… Just say something! You don’t know what to do?? Let me help you… Just show up!
And while I’m at it let me help you with one more thing…

We don’t get it over it; ever.

justshowup

Living w/ Grief

You will always grieve the one you lost. Always. No amount of time will change that. You need to hear something today though. They would want you to live. They would want you to be happy. Easier said than done, I know, but you have to try. I look at it this way and it helps me when it gets really hard. You are living for 2 now. Do the things that they didn’t get to. Be a blessing to others and do it in their memory. Give this life you have left live meaning and purpose. That doesn’t mean you won’t miss them. You will. That doesn’t mean they are forgotten. They aren’t. That doesn’t mean the void they left is gone. It isn’t. It means that you have decided to honor their life in the way you decide to live yours going forward.
Choose to live today.

Purpose

When you are wondering what your purpose is:

You need seek God wholeheartedly about what HE wants for you. I promise He will show you! That being said, we have to remember that it’s all in His timing, not ours. He will show you when He believes you are ready. He started a good work in you and that WILL be finished. God says so, so it has to!

Forgiveness 3.0

I have written on this subject quite a bit. The reason for that is most likely because it’s something that has been top of mind for the last several years. Prior to losing my husband, I never really had to think about forgiveness very much, it just came naturally. It actually used to drive Jonathan crazy because he always thought that I let people take advantage of me. I just always had a forgiving heart.

My previous posts were about talking through forgiveness and the possible reasons why it was now so difficult for me. The reason for writing about this again is because I’m finally on a different side of the subject.

As much as I hated the fact that I wasn’t able to let go of certain things and as much as I tried, it just kept creeping back up. That told me that I hadn’t fully dealt with it. It finally became more than just wanting to be free from it; I needed to. The biggest struggle was that I wanted it to be real. I could say over and over that I had forgiven, but I was desperate for it to feel genuine. I realized that I had to set the feelings aside. You can’t trust your feelings, they change.

Much like (believe it or not) love is not about feelings, it is a choice, the same can be said for forgiveness. Love without action means nothing. I realized that I had to choose to forgive, regardless of how I felt. I made the decision, I wrote out some feelings that I needed to get out, I prayed for each person that I had been hurt by, and gave it over to God; for real.

Here is what really made all the difference for me. Forgiveness doesn’t negate what someone did, how they affected you, or made you feel. It doesn’t mean that suddenly it’s okay or that you magically forget what has happened. It doesn’t mean that you open your heart and life up to those people and let them walk back in. It’s actually best if you don’t if they aren’t safe or healthy for you. It’s about making peace with the past and being able to move forward from it.

Lastly, and most importantly, God commands us to forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 says that if you do not forgive others, your heavenly Father won’t forgive you. It’s also super important for you to understand that you don’t forgive solely for the other person, you do it for you. It’s essential to have a clear heart; it’s freeing and releases all involved. God is more than aware of what has been done to you and He is clear in His word that He will defend you. He will fight your battles. He will protect you. Isaiah 49:25 says that He will contend with those who contend with you. Once you truly understand and get that into your heart, you can have the faith to let go and let God handle things in His own way.

I can’t begin to adequately express the weight that is lifted and the freedom you can feel from forgiving and letting go.

No longer to be continued…

You can read my past posts on forgiveness by clicking the following links:

http://bit.ly/2forgiveornaw

http://bit.ly/lookingbackandforward

http://bit.ly/wwyd_gtl

Connect with Grief to Life on Facebook: http://bit.ly/Grief2LifeFB