Recovering People Pleaser

Recovering People Pleaser

I’m a, what I like to call, recovering people pleaser. I no longer feel bad for saying no to things that I don’t think I should do. I no longer give of my precious time to those that are negative and toxic. I no longer force my kids to be around people that haven’t actively been a part of their lives. I decided to stop explaining and defending myself to people who will only see from their chosen perspective anyway. I no longer make decisions based on how others might think of me. I now make myself a priority rather than being the last on the list. And you know what? I don’t even feel bad about it!

The Empty Chair

The Empty Chair

Today is a day to be thankful. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for! However, this also a very sad day for many because someone will be missing. I always remember both. My heart for today is that we all remember what today is really about. Hug those you love and don’t leave things unspoken, for tomorrow is never promised. If you are one with a heavy heart because your person is missing, I will say a special prayer for you today. Again, there is always something to be thankful for, but that in now way negates the fact that you are missing someone, that there will be an empty chair.

Wishing all my friends and family a beautifully blessed day ♥️

Therapy 📝

I’ve been pretty quiet lately. Losing my Dad has been a very difficult thing to deal with. That, coupled with this already being a tough time of year, it’s been a pretty trying time. I was thinking tonight about different ways that I could help myself to feel better. Although I haven’t felt like I have much to say lately, I was reminded how helpful writing has been to me. I guess it’s kind of been my therapy. So, I’m going to make an effort to get back to that.

Hope that each of you are doing well. I look forward to catching up with you and on your writings.

Joni 💛

My Constant

My Constant

An Open Letter to My Dad in Heaven

Dad,

I woke up this morning feeling different than I ever have in my entire life. There isn’t even an adjective that could adequately describe it. I should be able to use a word I’ve used before because I know the pain of loss. But, just as people can’t truly be compared, neither can any loss.

I bounce back and forth from one moment feeling relief that you are not suffering and are in a better place, to the next where there is the heart-wrenching realization that you are never coming back.

I can’t believe you’re gone. It still seems so unreal.

But, it is real.

I can’t pick up the phone and call you. I can’t hear your voice. I can’t stop in to visit. I can’t see you.

I’m heart broken because I love you more than you could have ever known. There were two or three times over the years where I either wrote in a card or told you how much I appreciated who you were in my life, but no words could have ever expressed what you meant to me.

You were the first man I ever loved. You were the strong and silent presence in my childhood and as I was growing up. You became my friend as I got older and went through many hard times in my adult life, while still being the strong voice of reason that never sugar coated anything. You were one that I could always count on to give it to me straight, whether I wanted to hear it or not. You were the constant in a life filled with chaos, tragedy, and pain.

My constant…

You were the strong example of what a man should be. Not only for me, but for my kids who didn’t have that in their life when they lost their own Dad so young. They lost so much on top of losing him and although they might not have seen you every single day, they knew you were there.

Constant…

That’s what real love is.

I will never be able to fully express what that has meant to me; to all of us.

You are loved and will be so incredibly missed.

Thank you.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for being my Dad.

Thank you for being you.

My constant….

Change and Balance

Change and Balance

Change. It’s inevitable!

Sometimes change is exciting and at times, scary. It can be tough and uncomfortable to navigate through. It can also be easy to be derailed in transition. I’ll give you an example.

When I started this blog it was at a point in my life when change was exciting. I had a job that gave me the freedom to start dreaming. It came with the gift of time. I was being creative and starting new things. I was writing again. I was finding myself in a new way, working through hurts and things that had been holding me back, and finding God in a new way. There was a renewed sense of hope.

Fast forward to this past February…

The company I was working for was dissolving and I found myself in a place of uncertainty. Change was happening again and I wasn’t excited. I spent the next four months looking for a new job, trying to have faith that God would carry me through; that He had a plan.

A lot happened in that four months as I was stretched in many ways. I’ll write about that in a different post.

I started a new job in June. More change. It was a big transition, coming from working from home and having so much freedom with my time. My focus became learning and becoming acclimated to a new career. It’s a great job, a great company to work for, and I love the people I work with.

I realized something today. I’ve been so busy with my new job that I haven’t had time to write, do anything with my apparel company, or much of anything else really. Most importantly, I’ve not made time to maintain my relationship with God like I should. How quickly we fall away from that if we aren’t careful.

I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m reminded how important balance is in life. Instead of saying that I don’t have time to __________________; I need to MAKE time for the things that are important. I need to make time for God. I need to make time to work on the creative projects that I started that made me happy. I need to make time to write. I need to make time for me!

There are only 24 hours in each day and most days that definitely doesn’t seem like enough! But, it’s up to me to prioritize and be disciplined enough to use the time I do have in the best way I know how.

Here’s to attempting to find that balance that I so desperately need!

xoxo Joni

It’s the little things 🦋

It’s the little things 🦋

I always have a butterfly come to me while at the cemetery, since the very first time. Leaving the cemetery today I stopped and looked across the street into the field. I saw a butterfly. Then I saw a few more. I looked closer and there were actually hundreds of butterflies.

A beautiful reminder to take a minute, stop, and look around. I’d hate to think of all the beauty missed, simply because I didn’t take the time to just stop and be still.