Forever Changed

People who have suffered through the trauma that comes with loss are forever changed. Once they begin the journey towards moving forward, they find themselves tirelessly working towards getting back to who they used to be. The real struggle is that they are fighting an uphill battle, in that, they don’t realize that it’s just not possible. They aren’t who they used to be and they never will be. If they are fortunate enough to fully get that revelation, they can then begin that journey of a new self-discovery. It’s not at all about going back to the person they used to be. It is all about realizing and becoming the person they will be, going forward.

Published by Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

12 thoughts on “Forever Changed

    1. Yes, and it’s as if every death builds on the last, so each time one comes along, you are grieving for the others all over again. This IS hard! 💕 But it is the price that we happily choose to pay for loving others 😃

  1. Joni, so true. This is what I am doing discovering the new me I have changed so much over the past few years I can no longer recognise myself. May you continue to blossom and become the new person in your life.

  2. May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
    And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
    Ephesians 3:18,19 (KJV)

  3. Dear Joni,

    As Buddha used to say:
    “There is only one thing that does not change: the change”

    Means when we accept who we are at present, we will travel towards the future in
    accepting any change that may come. We all are in the process of making and we are no longer the one we used to be. We may look at our present situation and may analyze carefully what we can change with us, what we can improve – love will nevertheless continue in our heart when we had a loss of someone very near to us.

    Also I have lost my first wife (cancer). Love is everywhere around us, in the small things which we can observe with gratitude, dear friend.

    Thanks for sharing, my dear friend Joni 🙂

    Love and light to you
    Didi

  4. Thank you for sharing!!.. “No matter the pain or suffering, it is always better if it’s a burden shared by two, instead of a weight carried by one alone”… (Larry “Dutch” Woller)

  5. All of your posts are very meaningful and can relate to them in so many different ways. My mum passed away 3 years ago and until recently I had spent that time trying to get back to my usual self, without realising that this wouldn’t happen and I would be a different person again. Now that I have it is all about making the person you loss proud of what you are achieving on this new path.

    https://akidneystory.wordpress.com/

  6. Joni ….. I couldn’t agree more …. especially when the loss of a loved one was sudden. It changes one forever. When my Daddy went ahead, I felt I was in a storm ….. one I had never anticipated. How does anyone do that in the first place? Had the toughest and roughest of days and there were times I could hardly recognize myself ….. It’s been two years now, and the pain is still there. It will always be there …. the missing ….. and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I find this well of hope in me knowing that his legacy of love lives on in me forever. I make a conscious decision to celebrate him, his awesome memory….. to think OH MY, SUCH A GREAT, NOBLE, AWESOME, LOVING, UNBEATABLE, SKY’S THE LIMIT MAN actually walked the face of the earth …. and I called him Dad! Thanks for your post that found its way to my heart! ❤️

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