Choosing to Live
Two Years Ago Today
Haven’t made a lot more stops (yet) but I have definitely made a lot of steps.
I still have a long way to go in healing the broken places in my heart, but I can’t negate the progress thus far. Honestly, I think that part is truly a life long process.
This journey has been, ironically and so much like, a roller coaster; so full of ups, downs, twists, and turns. The ironic part is that roller coasters were our absolute favorite thing. While most couples plan something romantic on special occasions, we went to Kings Island on ours. We loved to laugh and have fun, being goofy and like big kids. As much as that is who I am, I lost that part of myself when I lost him. I’ve had to intentionally work hard at trying to find that in myself again. I’m not there yet, but again, I’ve made steps in the right direction.
Ive learned to be grateful for the ups as well as equally thankful for the downs. That might not make sense, but it’s in those times that I’ve learned to put my trust in God. It’s in those times that I’ve allowed Him to not only walk me through, but to teach me so much in the process. My faith has increased and I’ve discovered so much about myself and who He created me to be.
Now to, hopefully, begin to add more of those stops I was talking about in the FB post above.
Choosing to live is a decision. I like to think that I can, eventually, be so genuinely happy that I can live enough for the both of us.
We always went to Kings Island for our anniversary. The last time we went, he stopped me as we were walking and started dancing with me in the middle of a crowd of people. One of my best memories ever ??

Published by Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

16 thoughts on “Choosing to Live

  1. my MIL passed away, i’m tagging along with my husband and his brother to all of the appointments.
    the funeral director said something very profound, “A few years ago i was driving down the highway and the thought just overwhelmed me- i haven’t heard my mother’s voice in 5 years and i haven’t heard my father’s voice in over 10 years. i had to pull over and just cry.” his point was, it’s ok to grieve, but i think the more important message is-
    yes, right now, in this life you might feel anxiety at the thought of fading memories, but when you see your loved ones again, you WILL know their voices.

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and adventures and looking forward to seeing more adventures in the future!.. 🙂
    “There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, people we can’t live without but have to let go.” ? Nancy Stephan

  3. “Nevertheless, She Persisted”.
    Wow. Fantastic, and so True.
    Joni, as I read your blog post today, I thought, “Praise Jesus, Joni is taking steps forward, maybe not many at once, maybe not big steps in her mind, but they are important steps. Each of those steps is important, because each step Joni is taking, is ordered by the Lord.”
    Psalms 37:23-24
    23 The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
    24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
    Psalms 85:13
    13 Righteousness goes before him
    and prepares the way for his steps.
    Proverbs 20:24
    24 A person’s steps are directed by the Lord.
    How then can anyone understand their own way?
    It was after I completed reading your blog post, I clicked on your fb link, and saw the quote above, and saw how appropriate it was.
    God Bless you Joni. Holy Spirit will continue to guide you one step at a time. He is preparing you for great things ahead. He is leading you at the perfect pace, even though you may think slow at times. He does not want you to go too fast, get tired or worn out, and then discouraged because you are feeling tired at a certain pace of ministry.
    I am looking forward with great anticipation and excitement for the plans God has for you Joni.
    (When I saw your fb page, I clicked to ask you to be a friend. I would be honoured, but also understand if you don’t accept all requests. I will still look forward to your blogs.)

    1. Your comments on my blog are more encouraging, and on time, than you could know. I appreciate you taking the time to write such kind and thought provoking words. Seriously, on time. Thank you.

  4. Ecclesiastes 3
    1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
    2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
    3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
    4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
    5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
    6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
    7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
    8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
    King James Version (KJV)

  5. Keep pushing ahead. Life is a choice and grieving is a job that has to be done. It sounds cold but keep moving. Sorry about your loss as well. I am sure in many ways it doesn’t get any easier. Continue to be loving and forgiving towards yourself.

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