Letting Go 2.0

On this day 6 years ago, I had no idea that in one short week, our lives would be forever changed. In an instant.
Some days it feels like yesterday while other days it seems like it’s been an entire lifetime since I’ve seen you.

So much has happened.
You’ve missed so much.
What I’m finally realizing?
I’VE MISSED SO MUCH
The majority of the last 6 years has been spent going through the motions, getting by each day, surviving. We have come so very far, but the fact still remains that I haven’t been able to truly live.
Why haven’t I been able to live?
I haven’t been able to let go.
I wrote a post about this very thing nearly a year ago (click Letting Go to read that post) and I have done what I said I was going to do. I said I was going to try and give the pain over to God with the intention of moving forward.
How is it that I have been working at “letting go” for almost an entire year and my hurt is still so present that I’m wiping tears as I write this?
It’s a process. A long process. It takes intent. It takes work. It’s not easy.
I feel like I’ve done the work, but now what?
I have to make an actual decision, speak it out loud, and really let it go.
I know what this looks like in my mind, but my heart just can’t do it and mean it.
But I have to.
Stay tuned, friends ?

How do you let go of someone who was so much a part of you? How do you let go when your heart still loves them with every beat? How?

Joni Grief to Life

Published by Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

57 thoughts on “Letting Go 2.0

  1. Joni you have done the first step. You recognized that only God can guide you through this process, then you were able to reflect back to a previous writing from a year ago. You are now stronger the you ever been. He will forever be in your heart & smiling as you live life. Embrace one day at a time. Your ministry of Grief and the music he wrote is a Legacy that will live on, healing, as well as giving hope. Blessings and Favor to you as you embark on this new journey.
    INHISCARE,

  2. He will always be a thought away so close. I would say he would have been equally shocked to have found himself on the good side of the spiritual world. Your love was so strong, honest, loyal. This is not easy to find anywhere. Yes, how can you let go? Put your self in God’s care and allow Him to guide you in your life taking steps forward at the right pace for you. Bless you in all that you do. Nanette

  3. With those I love who have passed on, I move them from my past to my future. When I let go of them it is with the hope and purpose of seeing them again. Their love will NEVER leave us, we always have the love, it is eternal. When we let go of them, we actually release ourselves to move forward into our future.
    Great post. The love you have (had) for your husband is a witness to all of us! Never forget that!

  4. I guess you haven’t met anyone you truly love … But I’ve been told you meet the right person when you least expect it … And if you ever do, that doesn’t mean you will let go of Him

  5. I totally get every single word of this. I keep asking myself the same thing and I’m wondering those same things. SO how do you just DO IT. How do you really feel like YOUR MOVING ON??? You keep yourself busy, your giving advise to others behind you in the grief journey, You are filling up your days BUT THEN when it gets quiet and still it’s like someone has a Choke hold on you. DO you fear moving on with another human being because it might take away from the love you had for them. DO you fear moving on with another human being because The memories might begin to fade. OR do you just FEAR MOVING ON??? WHAT fills your cup? What DRIES The tears, WHAT do you do with the pain of MISSING THEM?

  6. Joni, grief doesn’t have a timetable. You can only take one day at a time, as you’ve been doing. Keep the faith and know that God is right there beside you holding you up and wanting you to lean more on Him and not so much on yourself. When you do that your life will begin to move forward albeit slow or not. Celebrate what you had in your marriage and be ever so grateful for the time you were allowed to have the perfect man in your life. God Bless ~

  7. Hi, Joni-
    If “moving on” means having another mate, you might just need someone who is going through the same experience. I only say, “might,” because it is difficult to predict the chemistry between two people.
    Either way you are in my prayers.

    1. Moving forward, to me, doesn’t have anything to do with having someone else. That will happen when it’s supposed to. Thank you for the prayers ?

  8. I hope this doesn’t sound cheesy, but when you give the pain away, don’t take it back. God can handle it, and when He does there is rest. I’ve been in similar situations and you have to walk away knowing life will be okay.

  9. Another heart-filled post. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. You have a wonderful life ahead of you and no one should honestly think you deserve a less-fulfilled life. Jesus mentioned He came to give abundant life. You should enjoy the abundance life provides.

  10. There’s no timetable or set schedule to work through your grief. Praying you can give it over to God and find joy and happiness in the here and now. Easier said then done, but I’ll be praying for you as you continue this journey. You have a beautiful heart Joni. ??

  11. For me it feels like there is a huge husband shaped hole in my life that I just don’t want to fill so I go through life with part of me missing……..sending you hugs Joni x

  12. What you will be letting go of will be the unhappiness and pain that has entered your life… you will never be letting go of that which you cherish and hold dear because it has become a part of your heart and will be there even when you grow too old to dream… 🙂 your husband (and all the memories) will be with you wherever you go and share your happiness with you, as you both dreamed would be… just let go of the pain and unhappiness and live your life as it was meant to be and your husband would have wanted it to be… 🙂
    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

    1. Ugh. I know it does and I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate it for you. I love you so much and I’m always here ?

  13. My heart ?? just cries for you sweet friend. I am so praying ?? for your pain and this grieving process. I know it’s hard. I’m doing it too. I think it’ll never be over. But I don’t think I really want it to be. Xoxo ?

    1. That is exactly how I feel. I hate to feel so sad but the thought of feeling nothing is scary, right? You’re right, it will never be over. Hopefully we will get better though. Praying for you ?

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