Did you know that the majority of people who have lost a loved one are made to feel guilty about their grief?
Did you know that someone grieving often isolates themselves, disconnects from people, because they feel misunderstood?
Unfortunately, a loved one left behind will often suffer in silence because they have been told:
It’s time to move on.
Aren’t you over this yet?
You need to stop dwelling on this.
It’s been long enough, it’s time to let go.
Aren’t you ready to get on with your life yet?
Or, some of my favorites:
They’re in a better place.
Time heals all wounds.
God needed another angel.
Everything happens for a reason.
Although, some of these things are said with the best of intentions, let me make this clear, they just aren’t helpful! At all!
We didn’t lose something that can be replaced. We lost a person. For a lot of us, this person was an every day part of our lives for many years. This isn’t something you just “get over.”
Grief is a very personal thing and it is unique to each Individual person. There is a long and painful process they have to go through in order to learn to live without a person that meant so much to them. The path they have to walk isn’t going to look the same as it will for someone else. We have to work at finding our way in a new life that was not chosen or planned.
So, wherever they are on their journey…
Don’t tell them what to do.
Don’t tell them how they should feel.
Because let me assure you, those things will hinder their grief process, it certainly won’t help it.
Encourage them to talk about how they feel. Love them right where they are.
For those of you who have lost an important part of your life, your loved one:
Take all the time you need. Don’t feel guilty for feeling however you feel at any point on your journey. Those that don’t understand, unfortunately, will someday. This is your life. Nobody is walking this road for you. Do it your way! And lastly; acknowledging, feeling, and expressing your emotions is an important and extremely critical part of the grief journey. Without that, you remain bound and unable to grow and work towards emotional and spiritual health. Yet, it’s one of the most difficult things to do; for many reasons.
For me, I have found that writing is my best outlet. It’s my therapy and where God most often speaks to my heart. I encourage you to seek out the way that best let’s you feel and express your emotions. It’s crucial. xoxo Joni