Feeling Guilty For Grieving

Did you know that the majority of people who have lost a loved one are made to feel guilty about their grief?

Did you know that someone grieving often isolates themselves, disconnects from people, because they feel misunderstood?

Unfortunately, a loved one left behind will often suffer in silence because they have been told:

It’s time to move on.

Aren’t you over this yet?

You need to stop dwelling on this.

It’s been long enough, it’s time to let go.

Aren’t you ready to get on with your life yet?

Or, some of my favorites:

He’s in a better place.

Time heals all wounds.

God needed another angel.

Everything happens for a reason.

Although, some of these things are said with the best of intentions, let me make this clear, they just aren’t helpful! At all!

We didn’t lose something that can be replaced. We lost a person. For a lot of us, this person was an every day part of our lives for many years. This isn’t something you just “get over.”

You are missed

You were special

You were beautiful

You were important

You are not forgotten

Your life had meaning

You were so very loved

You are more than a memory

~Joni โ™ฅ๏ธ Grief to Life

Grief is a very personal thing and it is unique to each Individual person. There is a long and painful process you have to go through in order to learn to live without a person that meant so much to them. The path they have to walk isn’t going to look the same as it will for someone else. We have to work at finding our way in a new life that was not chosen or planned.

So, wherever they are on their journey…

Don’t judge. Don’t tell them what to do. Don’t tell them how they should feel. Because let me assure you, those things will hinder their grief process, it certainly won’t help it.

Be there. Be patient. Encourage them to talk about how they feel. Love them right where they are. Repeat.

For those of you who have lost an important part of your life, your loved one…

Take all the time you need. Don’t feel guilty for feeling however you feel at any point on your journey. Those that don’t understand, unfortunately, will someday. This is your life. Nobody is walking this road for you. Do it your way! And lastly; acknowledging, feeling, and expressing your emotions is an important and extremely critical part of the grief journey. Without that, you remain bound and unable to grow and work towards emotional and spiritual health. Yet, it’s one of the most difficult things to do, for many reasons.

For me, I have found that writing is my best outlet. It’s my therapy and where God most often speaks to my heart. I encourage you to seek out the way that best let’s you feel and express your emotions. It’s crucial. xoxo Joni โค๏ธ

 

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71 comments

  1. What a beautiful post๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐ŸปLoosing some one dear to us is the worst loss than anything else in this world.It really takes lot of time and courage to accept and move on in life……Thanks for your blog itโ€™s very well written ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Beautiful post and got lost in your readings

    Liked by 3 people

  3. yggdrasil says:

    Our culture doesnโ€™t know how to deal with deal with grief very gracefully or mindfully, or even with loss in general. I found a great book: โ€œItโ€™s OK that youโ€™re not OKโ€, by Megan Devine. Wishing you a good week.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Thereโ€™s a person-shaped hole in your life. Itโ€™s never going to be filled. The edges might smoothe out but youโ€™ll never forget. Your life iis defined as โ€˜with themโ€™ and โ€˜after themโ€™ The โ€˜after themโ€™ version of you is a new, changed person. Thatโ€™s just how it is.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Wow, this is just beautiful. I just forwarded your post to a dear cousin who is in physical and emotional pain and will deeply appreciate your words. In addition, when I was nine years old, I lost my mother and grandmother in an accident. Everyone told me to move on, to brush the whole incident under the rug. It took me forever to finally understand when we are grieving, if we are given the gift of TIME, that is the healer.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. My favorite line is when you said ” you are more than a memory”. Funny how hard that is to wrap the mind around when it’s so easy for the heart.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. My dear Joni

    Your words have touched me and filled my eyes with tears. To lose someone we have love, even for many years and suddenly the beloved one disappears from our life, feels like a broken heart – memories return and return but do not bring the beloved one back into our life – it is the pain out of separation – words may not really help, maybe a voiceless hug, compassion from heart to heart, to tell you: you are not alone, you are important still for many other people, “far and near”, you are loved and God is always with us, is living in our hearts. Why things happen as they happen are not in our hands, we cannot control it – the only thing we can do to let us fall completely into our trust and faith into God who knows why things happen as they happen and when they happen. Behind everything there is a reason which we cannot follow and understand with our limited intellect. But surely this One power knows it – if we surrender entirely in trust and faith to Him, then even this pain of separation from our beloved partner, friend or relative will turn into a sigh of our heart with our love and trust towards God, to lessen our deep pain. The more we love God and have trust in Him the less our pain. I am with you, my dear friend. A hug of understanding and compassion for you.
    Didi

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Dear.. your words are beautiful..
    we will not take intelligent decisions when we are in sad mood rather angry..and it will be perfectly fine if we are waiting and take decisions..and the same with grief and missing..if we wait patiently the supreme power will extend his hand to heal it.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Good post….grief is a natural response to loss. We have LOST someone and we grieve. If there were no loss, there would be no grief. Thank you!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Linda Stevenson says:

    Joni, your blog helps me understand what our son has been going thru. Losing someone you love is so difficult no matter their age. My mom just passed away 3 days after she turned 91 3 weeks ago. I miss her so. Your blog is a blessing to so many, thank you Joni! Linda

    Liked by 3 people

    • Joni says:

      I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom. Iโ€™ve been praying for you. Iโ€™m sure that you miss her terribly. Youโ€™re right, no matter their age, how long they were in our lives, etc… Navigating life while dealing with the pain of separation is so incredibly difficult. I hope you truly take the time you need to deal with the loss of your Mom, however you need to. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind and encouraging words. ๐Ÿ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Reblogged this on Something to Stu Over and commented:
    Yes, yes and yes. One thing I have learned journeying with a dear friend who lost her son, several years ago, is that each person grieves differently and that there is no set time limit for the grieving process.

    Please do not rush this. Allow them to grieve in their own way and at their own pace. Would you want to walk in their shoes? I think not…

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Yes Joni, I do. I praise God for allowing the chance to walk beside her, love her, listen to her, be a sounding board and a shoulder to cry on or I would be like most with the whole “you should be over that by now”. Yeah…it doesn’t work like that. God doesn’t work like that.

    You are very welcome for the reblog. I’m honored to ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Thanks Joni for this post. My dear friend has recently lost her husband and she is in a different continent…I can’t be by her side in her grief. Just praying n directing all the positivity towards her…..Your thoughts are very helpful.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. I have never thought the grief you feel after loosing someone should have a time limit.. the people who say this then are either never lost someone dear to them or just have no empathy . Never feel guilty of your feelings … hugs girl๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Brad Stevenson says:

    This is so good! Grief is extremely personal and each persons walk through it is going to be completely different. You definitely have the gift of writing and I imagine itโ€™s very therapeutic for you! Keep sharing! My outlet is getting outside and doing something active! I used to often feel selfish when I did it, and still do at times, but I realize how helpful it is for me. I also know it ultimately makes me a better parent to my kids. Thank you for your honest writing!! โค๏ธ

    Liked by 2 people

    • Joni says:

      Exactly. Parents, especially โ€œonlyโ€ parents, need to make sure to carve time out that is just for them. And you should never feel guilty about that. ๐Ÿ’™

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Qui Talks says:

    It is ok to grieve. Crying cleanses the soul. As long as you do not let it control your life….cry away girlie, even if 50 years has gone by.๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Absolutely true Joni. Your writingโ€™s just splendid and the way you look at things is so much appreciated. I loved it so very much !! Thanks a lot for this buddy

    Liked by 2 people

  18. I honestly donโ€™t believe Iโ€™ll ever be the same. ๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

  19. DutchIl says:

    Thanks for sharing!… one cannot know and feel love until one has known a heartache… ๐Ÿ™‚

    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. ” Alexander Graham Bell

    Liked by 2 people

  20. lynn k scott says:

    Reblogged this on The Pink Herald's Blog and commented:
    Reblogged on pinkherald.com

    Liked by 1 person

  21. gmgoetz says:

    Thank you Joni for another excellent post. It appears to me that so many people feel the need to say something when they are with someone who just lost a loved one, so any number of words are said. Probably if some of the people realized after what they actually said, they would feel bad.
    I particularly โ€œlikeโ€ your list of โ€œfavouritesโ€. It would be a real stretch to imagine how they would help or console someone who is grieving.
    Again, your advice is right on, โ€œTake as much time as you need for grieving.โ€ Everyone is different, different makeup, different emotional system.
    God Bless you Joni.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. I lost my son on Thanksgiving 2017. He was 20 years old, and my heart breaks everyday. Writing helps some, but I will grieve as long as it takes. Thanks for posting this.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Joni says:

      I am so incredibly sorry about your son. Yes, most definitely take as much time as you need. I think what most people donโ€™t understand is that you will always grieve that person. You donโ€™t get over it, you get through it. Hugs ๐Ÿค—

      Like

  23. sunshinysa says:

    People thought I was overdoing it.
    They said its a cycle of life, it will happen to all of us.
    GET over it.
    No… No, I will never completely get over it.
    A part of my life, my heart and soul will cling on.
    Stubbornly, I loved, I lost and the loving was beautiful and miraculous.
    I say, take your time, hug yourself and when you cant do that, invest in a warm blanket for when you need the warmth, silence and solitude that your memories bring.
    I send a hug.
    Love from Kavita in Sunshiny South Africa.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Sonali Chawla says:

    Joni… You are blessed by the God dear to write and inspire people who have lost hope.
    Your thought – We have to work at finding our way in a new life that was not chosen or planned. will always give me inspiration at every stage of life to move on. Keep Writing and Inspiring others !!โ˜บ

    Liked by 2 people

  25. jamilamimi says:

    it’s hard to comprehend what’s inside but yes, writing it out can sometimes ease the pain. slowly day by day , process the pain. I lost my first love when he move to another country and when we finally connected, i lost him completely. He just passed away a week ago.

    Liked by 2 people

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