Deciding Pain Away

So many well intentioned people will give you advice based on the thought that you can simply make a choice to not grieve. As someone who has been walking a painful road for almost 6 years, let me tell you, we really do wish it was that easy.

Can you choose happiness? Yes, I believe you can. That being said though; I can wake up in the morning and choose to be happy, but that does not make the pain go away. The cause of the pain, the root of the emotions, is still there.

You must walk through it.

Now, how long does it take? That’s just it; it is different for everyone. Loss and the journey to healing is so very personal. We all deal in our own way. Some don’t deal at all and therefore, their path is going look very different from someone who is feeling their way through.

So please, for the love of God, don’t try to rush someone through their pain. Love them. Show compassion. Be there. They will find their way to healing.

Lastly, healing doesn’t mean the void is gone. It means that they have finally learned to live. They have finally come to a place of acceptance of the pain and can move forward, hopefully, using it as the fuel that drives them to live a life full of purpose.

“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, Hope that the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just have to breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes, the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, Because the truth is you can’t out run it. And life always makes more.” Meredith Grey

55 comments

  1. Sadah says:

    Well written.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Beautiful thought πŸ‘

    Liked by 4 people

  3. yggdrasil says:

    Well said. The experience with my own grief is also that the processing takes as much time as it needs. There is no β€œfix”, you can only carry it, give it a place in your life. My dad died when I was still young. I still miss him, but it’s not a gaping hole.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. beingsonalichawla says:

    Wake up with a new hope, thought and motive daily. Life will get a little bit easy. Good Luck with well wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Wonderful thoughts shared and well penned

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Sonali says:

    That’s so true. It’s so frustrating when don’t actually understand our pain but expect us to just wake up and like I’m so happy and that there’s nothing wrong. It felt good read you post, to get to know that there’s someone who actually understands. Keep writing!😊 πŸ’•

    Liked by 4 people

  7. So true and I wish more people would realize this! My friend, Angie, who lost her son several years ago STILL has people saying that she should be over her grief by now. Aggravates me so much. I’m like yeah…ok…do you want to walk in her shoes for a while.

    Great word for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one or someone who knows one who is grieving.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Joni says:

      That hurts my heart for your friend! It is my hope that understanding, although it can’t be achieved until someone has to walk the path on their own, will grow as we work at giving it a voice. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. DutchIl says:

    Thanks for sharing… everyone will witness it at some point in their life… πŸ™‚

    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. ” Alexander Graham Bell

    Liked by 5 people

  9. So touching…so real! I asked one lady who had lost a son how she dealt with the pain of loss and she said, “You just have to feel it. If you bury it, it is still there.” So yes, we all grieve differently, but we all grieve. And the best way out of it is through it. Thanks so much for the post.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. julielelder says:

    The point you make is so true about having to walk through itβ€”if we ignore and deny our grief, it’s just going to come out somewhere else down the road, maybe as a health problem. It’s no fun to be in it but we really need to give it the time it needs. Well said.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I’ve found you can make the choice not to grieve, but that isn’t quite enough. Personally, I’ve had to take it one or two steps further. First I’ve had to forgive the person that caused the pain, and second, I’ve had to give the pain to Yeshua/Jesus to deal with.

    The former doesn’t make me forget what happened to me, nor do I forget what kind of a person harmed me in the first place. Forgiveness simply lets me release whatever it is that is driving emotions and pain within my own psyche. It’s not hurting the perpetrator anymore. It’s hurting me by holding on to it. So I need to forgive and release. In that way I can forget it as part of my everyday experience.

    The second point is the supernatural one though. When I give it to Yeshua/Jesus it is able to be cleansed. I won’t go into detail about how spirits work in holding pain in our souls or how they are removed in this transaction, but I will say that if we exercise a little faith, this works. I’ve overcome all past pain that I can think of through this method.

    Love your quote at the end.

    Light and peace!

    Like

  12. da-AL says:

    the mind is so powerful!

    Like

  13. rogerholmack says:

    I tell others that grief is chronic pain. One must learn to manage it, not be done with it. Like getting your back hurt and having life long problems. Grief is more like that than a sprained ankle. Nice job. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Brad Stevenson says:

    Love this. Especially the thoughts about how it’s different for every person. It is personal and unique. Don’t compare yourself to others, walk your walk and you’ll get through it. One step at a time. ❀️❀️❀️

    Liked by 1 person

  15. No one can “rush” another along. I had family who were “so frustrated” with me, for not being over my grief, five months after my wife passed. My grief took what it took, as yours IS. Let no one interfere with that process. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Just wonderful Joni. Your words are really expressive and I loved it so much 😊❀️. Beautifully written !!

    Liked by 1 person

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