Grief, Healing, Hurt and Pain, Learning to Live, Life, Purpose, Sad, Scars

Broken Glass(es)

I did something today, something very simple, that actually holds great significance. I ordered new glasses. Big deal right? Yes. Yes it is.
I had my yearly eye appointment to get my contacts. I wore my glasses there because I was actually totally out of my contacts. While I was there they had me read the chart with my glasses on first. That didn’t go so well! The doctor said, how old are theses glasses? I hesitated but replied, “9 or 10 years old.” He didn’t ask why but said, “wow that is surprising, especially since your prescription has gotten so much worse.” I quickly changed the subject, we finished the exam and then I went back into the main room to talk to the ladies about ordering my contacts. One of them pointed toward a section of glasses and told me that insurance would pay for two pair of glasses in that area. I didn’t say much but humored her leading and looked through the glasses, finding something wrong with each of them. I finally gave in and let her choose the ones she said would be perfect for me. I then sat down across from her as she was processing my order. At this point I am wearing contacts that the doctor gave me. I look over and see my glasses sitting there. The lenses are so scratched up I don’t know how I saw out of them at all. One side of the glasses would close in but the other side would not because of my famous superglue repair jobs.
Get to the point already Joni! ??
The reason I hadn’t replaced those glasses is because I was wearing them the day that my husband and I were in that horrible accident that claimed his life. The craziest thing is that they were one of only a few things that made it out of that vehicle with me.
I remember going off the road and hitting the ditch, closing my eyes and bracing for impact, and then…the scene before me as I opened my eyes. This isn’t the post to spend too much time describing that scene but I will say, because it’s relevant, I saw destruction. I saw a seemingly endless amount of broken glass, among other things. I look to my left and sure enough, there beside me I see those glasses, surrounded by destruction but just sitting there.
So, I hadn’t realized it but I have held on to them for that reason. I couldn’t let go of them. Until now. What may seem small to most was huge for me.

I don’t let go of Jonathan because I let go of those broken glasses that I found amidst that broken glass. I hold him in my heart, forever. As I continue to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and allow God to piece them back together, he is with me. I’m moving forward, without leaving him behind.
And guess what?!! My vision is improved….

29 thoughts on “Broken Glass(es)”

    1. I gave Rachel a pair of my glasses. She loved them and could see better through them. I suspect she and had same script. I found them in her things. I dont wear them, but I wont let them go. ?

  1. Oh sweetheart……I love you so much. Looks like I’m in your club now. You know what? It’s a sucky club. ? but in spite of that we move forward, as comrades in arms. I suppose at some point we will wear this honor proudly. Knowing that we are who we are because of the loves of our lives who left is much too soon. I loved this post…..and I love you. ??????

  2. Wow Joni what a heartfelt and moving piece. Thanks for your honest about your grief and about your glasses. No wonder you hung onto them all this time. They represented so much love. My heart goes out to you, and I appreciate your story so much. May you be very blessed today.

  3. I love this Joni, and I love you. Thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings “on paper”. You are amazing, and a true encouragement to everyone around you.

  4. I know exactly what you mean!! You made me tear up…it hits home so hard!! Love you girl!!
    (& you look adorable in your new glasses!!) ???

  5. This had me tearing up, too. Baby steps—it’s okay to move forward in baby steps—at least you’re not staying stuck or going backwards. Bless you on your healing journey ??

  6. Hi Joni, Thank you for your visits and connecting with me. I can’t help but feel your vision improving is more than just a physical improvement, it could be of philosophical importance (having a calm attitude toward a difficult or unpleasant situation), an improved vision or perspective on death, life and living possibly? Beautiful and heartfelt post! Much love, Marie xx

    1. I think you are right. My vision improving is more than physical. I definitely feel like my perspectives are changing as well. Thank you for your kind words!

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