The Pain is Worth the Cost

The pain of losing a spouse and watching your kids grieve the loss of their parent, brings a sorrow that I can’t quite put into words. It’s unlike any feeling I could’ve ever even imagined.

It is said that “it” gets better in time. Just give it time. Time heals all wounds. As well meaning as the one saying these things might be, it’s just not true.

“It” doesn’t get better and it most certainly doesn’t go away. But, you do learn to live with it. It becomes a part of you. Just as the person you grieve leaves an unexplainable void in your heart and life, the impact they had while living leaves an imprint in who you are. As you carry the pain that their loss leaves, you also carry them with you.

Deep grief is the price you pay for deep love. It is always worth the cost.

Author: Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

19 thoughts on “The Pain is Worth the Cost

  1. I agree, Joni, that time does not heal the pain. Over time, the pain may not cut like a sharp carving knife, but it still cuts, even if only a duller butter knife version. Peace to you!!

  2. love your blog – love your healing process. I lost my father when i was 8 years old. my sister and i watched my mom heal from his death as we did. you are so right – “IT” never goes away. He died almost 40 years ago, and I still grieve the loss as well. IT has become a part of who I am, and I pray that I make him proud.

    your words are powerful. you and your kids are in my prayers.

    thank you for your blog. it will continue to bring healing to you and to others.

    Blessings to you,
    SB

    1. Wow. Thank you so much. I’m not sure I have ever read a comment that meant so much. I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I hurt so bad watching my kids do life without their dad. But, I do try to be an example and help them go forward. You are in my prayers as well. Thanks again for your beautiful words. ❤️

  3. I lost my father and…honestly I didn’t shed a tear but I felt shocked…I forgave him weeks before his death but losing him in December was practically a shock

  4. Beautiful post. I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my sister to breast cancer last year and no matter how much time passes, life will never be the same. You may feel some healing headed your way but grief simply never goes away. We will miss them forever. ❤

    1. Truer words couldn’t be “spoken.” I’m so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sister. Thank you for the kind words ❤️

  5. Oh Joni. I have just been going back and reading all your posts. This one definitely speaks to me. Thank you. Love you bunches. <3

  6. A heart touching one, joni… unfortunately loss is only painful for the one who has lost…we must develop a culture where we join in the pain of others… this could only be achieved through a sense of belongingness towards others.

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