To forgive or not to forgive?

Why is it so hard to forgive?

This troubles me as, until this last year, I have always forgiven easily. Or did I?  I question that because things that I thought I had forgiven have crept back up; this time more difficult to get past.

I’m far from perfect and I make mistakes every day. No one is perfect and I don’t expect that from people in my life. People will disappoint you and let you down. It’s human nature. I feel like I can typically let things go. But what about those things that caused a hurt so deep that you just can’t seem to move past? How do you deal with those things?

“I have always believed that forgiveness is a gift that you can give someone; one that doesn’t cost a thing. But it does cost. It costs dearly I have found.”

I used to forgive people for them. But, I have since found that it is actually more for me. I really can’t stand to hold grudges or have the feeling of unforgiveness in my heart. So, if I can’t do it for them, I should just go ahead and do it for me. I guess I’m just not there yet.

To be continued…

4 comments

  1. Dan Shupe says:

    Joni,

    When I was doing wedding photography I always requested that I be allowed to give the Bride and Groom some advice right after they cut the cake. One piece of advice I gave them was to be very careful of their actions and words to each other especially if angry. I told them that one’s actions and words could be forgiven by the other, BUT, they would never ever be forgotten.

    I am sure that you were truly sincere when forgiving other’s actions or words but we aren’t divine and therefore those actions or words come back to hurt again just as bad as they hurt the first time when something forces them to the surface. We then have to make the conscious decision whether to forgive them again or not. I believe that is part of human nature.

    Be kind to yourself and remember that you are human. I love and admire you for all that you do to help others.

    Dan

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kevin says:

    Joni,

    The best definition of forgiveness I’ve heard is “forgiveness is the acceptance of things you cannot change.”

    If we have issues with forgiveness, we usually have issues with how the situation unfolded and we will show them grace and forgiveness on the condition of what they could have done. That’s why it’s so hard. We have to make a decision on what happened instead of what could have happened and you know what, it’s okay. If you’re not ready to forgive, it’s okay. If you cannot come to grips with a situation, it’s okay. Take the time. Not sure if you can even show forgiveness? Take the time. You are neither obligated or required to grant such a thing period. Much less do so quickly or freely. It doesn’t make you bitter. It makes you wounded and in need of healing. So, take the time to recover and rebuild.

    You’re in no hurry and don’t feel like you have to be in one just to appease others. When the time is right, you’ll speak your peace.

    -Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

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