The Empty Chair

I wrote the following at this time a couple years ago:
Here we are again, another special day without you. I know you would want me to be happy, I will try to push through. I’ll do my best to smile. I’ll try hard not to be sad. I will think of treasured memories, in spite of missing you so bad. No matter what I do though, it still feels so unfair. Because despite my best efforts, I can’t ignore the empty chair.

Published by Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

7 thoughts on “The Empty Chair

  1. As I reflect on so many who are precious to me who leave behind an empty chair this year, I think about the families and friends who will grieve and have not been looking forward to the reality of this void. Yesterday, one of my hospice patients passed away. I will take part in his funeral on Friday. The list goes on. I pray that God’s comfort will sustain all those who find themselves grieving the empty chair.

  2. After reading your entry about new year resolutions, it’s hard to not read this one and say that may be time to stop grieving the chair. That does not mean that you become eager to fill it.
    It does mean that you accept the picture of life as it is and take steps to take a new one. It doesn’t mean finding someone to replace your husband. It does mean that the proverbial “shoes to fill” are no longer a burden for anyone to bear.
    I don’t know what journey you’re on or what that may look like but I do know that when you start making comparisons, you’ll find a way to steal your own joy or derail your own progress.
    Here’s towards new opportunities!
    -Kevin

    1. I appreciate your perspective, thank you 🙂 The chair is symbolizes the part of grief that doesn’t go away. You will always be missing that person on special days.
      I do love how you said to accept the picture of life as it is, taking steps toward a new one. That’s a post in itself!
      Basically I am saying that moving forward is what I want; it’s essential. But, even then, grief doesn’t leave you. You learn to live with it as you walk forward.

      1. Depends on how you look at it. Grief definitely can leave. It can also take a different shape but the essence of what it is remains. It indeed is all about perspective.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: