Glimpse of Grief

Posted byJoni@GrieftoLifePosted inBeing Real, Fear, Grief, Healing, Hurt and Pain, Learning to Live, Life, Scars, UncategorizedTags:, , ,

Silence.

It can be deafening.

Sometimes it’s a choice.

Have you ever been so consumed with your thoughts that you can’t think straight?

Have you ever been weighed down so badly by the weight of hurt and grief that it’s difficult to pick yourself up?

Have you ever been surrounded by people yet had the overwhelming feeling that you are all alone?

Have you ever, although knowing you should maybe reach out to someone, isolated yourself because you feel no one could/would possibly understand?

Have you ever decided not to attend an event, family function, or an invite for the sole reason that you just don’t have the energy to pretend?

Have you ever (painfully) smiled your way through an obligation, all the while choking back tears?

I have.

This is a snapshot, a small glimpse, of what it’s like when you’re in the midst of a battle with grief.

No pretending today.

No positive quotes or sayings. No poems or song lyrics. No encouraging words or insightful thoughts.

I’m going to let that be okay.

Out of the blue, without notice, when you least expect it

It can hit you like a ton of bricks, take the breath from your lungs, knock you down

That is grief, it doesn’t go away

But pick yourself and remember, tomorrow is a new day

Published by Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

7 thoughts on “Glimpse of Grief”

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: