LETTING GO

So, I have always hated hearing a couple of phrases. 

1) It’s time to move on. 

2) It’s time to let go. 

They are like nails down a chalkboard and they hurt my heart. If you have never lost someone close to you, you couldn’t imagine how hurtful those words can be. And the mere idea of the reality behind those words; absolutely terrifying. 
I’m going to share a very personal story. I was recently reminded of it and I think it is going to be used to help me going forward. I am only sharing it in hopes it will be helpful to someone else as well. 

In 2007, my husband and I separated. It was the most difficult time in my life up to that point. I won’t go into details as they aren’t necessary, but I was completely devastated and it was what seemed to be a hopeless situation.

One day, while at work, I felt as though I heard the Lord speaking to me. It was: 

Let go. Let him go. 
What?? That totally caught me off guard. I know what it means to hear from God but I couldn’t imagine that He would be leading me to walk away. I thought on it some more… 


Let him go. To me

It finally clicked. I understood. He was telling me to take my hands off the situation and have faith that He was in control and I needed to just give it to Him. I believe it was at this time in my life that I learned what it truly meant to have faith. 

God wasn’t promising me that things would be fixed, that I would have my family back, that the outcome would be just what I wanted, etc. He was merely promising me that, whatever the outcome, He had me and I was going to be okay. 

There’s so much more to this story but, long story short, I was obedient and God did have His hand on the situation. My family was saved and my marriage was transformed. 

What does this have to do with my current situation??

I’ve been stuck. Beyond stuck. No matter how I’ve tried, I just can’t seem to get past the hurt and loss. I miss my husband so much and I just haven’t been able to find happiness. I haven’t been living. I’ve been merely breathing. 

I. CAN’T. LET. GO. 

Recently God reminded me of that time in 2007; that very time when He dared me to let go and to trust Him. Why??
I’m holding on for dear life to someone that isn’t physically here anymore. I’m holding on to to a life that no longer exists. I’m holding on to the past with everything in me. 

I. DON’T. WANT. TO. LET. GO. 

God spoke to my heart again:

~You don’t have to let go. At least not in the way you think. But, take your hands off the situation. Give it to me. 

Wow. Totally life changing perspective. 

You see, I will never “let go” of Jonathan and I will never “move on.” I will, without a shadow of a doubt, hold that love in my heart, forever. 

But, I can hand over the situation to God and let Him work in my life. I can allow Him to help me move forward. 

I’m at least going to give it my best shot.


I’m going to try and pry these clenched hands open…

13 thoughts on “LETTING GO

  1. Last night someone told me ‘It could always be worse’. IT dawned on me that very moment how often I heard that, and how sick of hearing it I became. I took a few moments to let sink in and I came up with my response. This was it, ‘When looking at the event and actually measuring the level of emotion to the event, saying stuff like it could be worse, actually tells the person that the emotional turmoil a legitimate problem causes is not important. Furthermore, if someone is legitimately taking active steps to help solve the problem validation is actually the best way to help. validation and brainstorming actual possible solutions to the problem.’ I have come to realize that the line letting go, has also been told to me recently. As I’ve struggled to handle my divorce, my back injury, not being able to work right now because of my back, and having to move out of my own home I’ve found myself with the weight of the world on my shoulders. As Ive continued to move forward day by day, I struggle not with my faith, but to let go of my worries and trust I’m not in control of my day to day life.

    There is a time when we must learn to let go of the pain and trust in God to fill the void left behind. Loss of any kind is hard to handle. We never know how long it will take someone to handle grief, as long as we don’t get ‘stuck’ in that grief. It’s a tricky thing and tricky timing. Looking into ourselves and ask are we stuck or is the wound still healing. We must draw a conclusion at some point. Trust in God and trust in the big picture. We can only ever see a small piece of the puzzle. Have faith and remember Gods love for us is never ending.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Greif is something we go through, not somewhere we live for the rest of our lives. I know how hurtful words can be to a grieving heart. I also know that while love can linger and memories are forever life does move on whether we participate or not. When the time comes you will know what I mean. My wife of 40 years died in 2014. I will always have the memories, but I will not grieve forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “God spoke to my heart again:
    ~ You do not have to let go. At least not in the way you think. But, take your hands off the situation. Give it to me.
    Wow. Totally life changing perspective. ”

    This is your Key. This is your cure. This is your freedom.
    Health, peace and courage in your walk, and above all have faith in Him because He is the only one who can solve our problems and comfort us with His Hope.

    Liked by 2 people

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About Joni

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.