FEARS that lead us to HIDE who we are

In a class I took awhile back I read about the fears that lead us to believe things that are not true.

Some of these fears are:

The fear of failure

The fear of rejection

The fear of condemnation

We feel like we have to paint a picture for others that we have everything under control and are problem free. We hold ourselves to standards that are not attainable. We think others have unrealistic expectations of us. We work so hard at creating a facade. For what?? For who?? Where did we learn that we are supposed to be perfect??

I was just talking the other day about this very thing. To me, nothing ministers to people more than when someone is real. When we admit our struggles, it frees others to do the same. Feeling like we have to keep our struggles hidden, only results in isolation and further pain. I don’t want to live in a false sense of reality. I don’t want to feed into this lie that we have to meet the expectations of others.

I struggle. A lot. I battle things that not everyone knows about. I struggle with chronic grief and depression. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle with feeling not good enough. I struggle with a poor self image. I could go on but I think you get the idea.

There, I said it. So tell me this… How does that change how you see me? Does that make you feel any different about me?

After reading about this, my heart became heavy for all the people that suffer in silence in the name of fear. I thought about myself and how what I was reading reflected things I felt about myself.

So, the point of this is to give a voice to this issue. If I can put my struggles out there, maybe someone else that has been hiding will be encouraged to admit theirs too.

You aren’t alone. IMG_9267

Where did we learn that we are supposed to be perfect??

Published by Joni@GrieftoLife

Gotta love the 'About Me' sections of everything. I feel like I'm either in a one sided interview or trying to create a dating profile. "I like starry nights and long walks on the beach" Ha! All jokes aside, it is necessary to share your story. Especially in a place like this where you hope to reach people through your struggles. So here goes everything... Hi everyone 👋🏼 Grief is a journey, an ever changing and painful process. It can isolate you and make you feel more lonely than one could ever imagine. That is why I write and share my story. We need support. We need people that "get it." We need each other. I was married to the love of my life, just shy of 13 years. We went to school together, known him since elementary. He was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I even wrote "Joni Roberts" in my notebooks and cheered for him when he played basketball at recess 😂 We came back together when we went to the prom, as friends, our senior year in high school. That was in 1997. We started dating seriously in the summer of 1998. He asked me to be his wife in February of 1999. We said "I do" on October 2nd of the same year. We had our first child in October of 2000, our son. We had our daughter, 22 months later in August of 2002. In the time we were married, we went through more than most could go through in a lifetime. We never gave up on each other. In June of 2012, he and I were in a horrible car accident that claimed his life. In an instant, my entire world was shattered, leaving me a grieving single mother of two grieving children who are now teenagers. I'm walking day by day through life without the one that would be with me forever. I would have never imagined that this is where I would be in my life at 38 years old. But, I am doing everything I can to be strong, to raise our two children, to take this grief and use it to fuel the purpose for the rest of my days here on earth. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME. Today: I am in the waiting room for my first neurologist appointment. It is in the same office as my surgeon from the accident. I'm sitting here remembering myself horribly hurt and in a wheelchair and I'm overwhelmed with feelings but mostly reflecting on how far I've come. I love and miss my best friend every single day. I'm positive that won't change until we are together again. I am choosing to try and live my life in a way that would honor him and make him proud. Living With Purpose.

35 thoughts on “FEARS that lead us to HIDE who we are

  1. I think people confuse the word “perfect” with “infallible” way too often. I think that we use the word “perfect” entirely too much, to be honest.
    I was thinking about this the other day as well. Not necessarily the fear aspect; but, rather dealing with the pain it creates. It has been kind of a weird week for it all but hey… what can you do?
    Great read and it has a lot of good stuff! Looking forward to the next one, Joni.

      1. Glad to connect with you too, Joni! I feel that I should share with you a video I came across on YouTube. It’s called “52 Cards” by Ray Lewis.
        I believe that you may find it valuable.

  2. Joni, maybe you were wise before the accident that changed your life–and maybe the accident made you even wiser. It seems that great loss and the grief that came with it is shaping your life into one of freedom. thanks for sharing.

  3. Dear Joni:
    Death is like a keyhole in a door that separates us from the beloved. If we sit still and quiet, sometimes we can hear their voice whispering through it to us. It’s not the same as having a hand to hold, but it gives comfort to know that they are allowed that place of peace, that love lives on, that we, too, will be received there.
    Please take care of yourself. Being imperfect is supposed to be an opportunity for us to love each other. When we’ve had a major loss, sometimes it takes a long time for their little gifts to fill us up. That can scare them. Be patient.
    Brian

  4. Hi Joni. My sympathy goes to you for your loss, and all the suffering you have gone through, along with your children, and for the grief you still carry. One great bright spot you can hold onto, as you mentioned in one of your writings, is to meet your Best Friend again in Heaven. Isn’t it great to have that assurance as a follower of Jesus Christ.
    Anyway, back to your blog. I just came across it today, appreciate your writing, and your honesty, so am following you, and looking forward to more of your good words,
    God’s Blessings.
    George

  5. Such a great piece! Uplifting words! Everyone lives in fear more now that ever. Media plugs fear in our brains on every outlet they control. But you’re absolutely right: COME OUT OF HIDING, BE YOU, BE FREE!! God bless you and your journey to new discovery!

  6. The struggles of being lonely even when you know you have God with you always, the silence all around is louder then a rock concert. Sometimes we just need a good thing to happen to break us out of the silent prison we build for ourselves.

  7. thearrowpreacher@yahoo.com
    Feel free to write anytime. You have a horribly tragic story, and if there’s anything I can do to help you in your walk, or help with inspiration, or just enjoy a good cry together, please feel free to reach out. Lift up one another’s burdens, we are called by Christ. God Bless. Stay strong.

  8. This post struck close to home for me. We all have things that we are burdened to carry and from the beginning, we are all born into sin – it’s in our nature – but God has a way of teaching us – through life, love and many tests throughout our journey that “This world is not our home”. Thank you for being brave enough to speak the truth!

  9. Dear Joni, I don’t know you but I know about you. I have seen people exactly like you.
    So if I don’t know why would I write in the comment section below?
    The answer to the question is this. We have had to deal with grief on some form or fashion. No one is immune to such tragedy. It is part of the sinful world we live in. I despise death and what it does to the human race. It is interesting though. Who God produces all things God and than the devil creates something that destroys life. Example of this would be brussell sprouts, deep fried ice cream and yes even death. However one day there will be no more sadness no more pain. no more death. I admire you for what you write on this your little corner of the internet. It takes a lot to write about things especially personally things. I started to write when I experienced Loss and it lead me to give all my life to the Lord with no regrets at all. Let God be your anchor.
    Anthony

      1. To my new friend Joni, i wanted to put a smile on your face by allowing yourself to increase in your faith. Don’t be discouraged because of the devil but rather be determined because of God. Walk in love, true strength comes from the joy and faith we have in Him. He will never leave thee nor forsake. His word is like a strong tower. Let these words bring you the peace that seek.

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