Rainbows & Sunshine

Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Those that portray “perfect” for all too see, with no glimpse of real life, are not only pretending for the camera, they’re lying to themselves. It’s actually very sad. Working so hard to make things “appear” a certain way is exhausting. It’s also hurting others as it’s only contributing to the picture so many already have in their head that tells them they just aren’t enough. Let’s combat what society has engrained in us by committing to being and showing more of our authentic selves.
Just as you are; you are enough

You Should be Here


This ⬆️

Although grandchildren aren’t in the picture yet, this couldn’t be more true. Thinking ahead to that chapter of my life is sometimes too hard to even attempt; my heart won’t often let me go there.

You should be here.

You should have been here for all our kids have experienced and gone through, these last 7.5 years. Wait 😳- even just typing that number out seems so unreal.

You should be here now because they both need you so much. We have spent much time as of late talking about how different things would be, the heartache that we could have been spared, and all the things lost that might still be…had you not been taken from us. Sure, life would not have been perfect, but it would have been perfect to us because we would have walked through it all together. You could have never imagined the huge impact your loss would have on our lives and our hearts.

You should be here when our kids enter the next phase of their lives, when they begin their careers and pursue their heart’s desires, and when they eventually start families of their own. When there are grandchildren in the picture… I still can’t imagine you not being here for all of this. They will know you though! They will hear about your laugh, your sense of humor, your love for music, and how you would have tickled them, played with them, and how you would love them so big. They will hear about it all. They will know you.

You should be here.

Grief is Complicated

Clearly we grieve the person we lost, but what many don’t understand is that is only part of it.

We grieve who we were together, all that we shared, and who we were when they were here.

We grieve all the important things they have missed, and will miss.

We grieve the future we were supposed to have together.

The list goes on, and on.

Grief is complicated.

I Have Learned

I’m doing the best I can and that is always enough; I’m enough. 
My worth isn’t the sum of a number on a scale, what I do or do not accomplish, or how many “friends” I have. 
I am not defined by my past or the mistakes I’ve made. 
Happiness isn’t defined by a life without struggles, found in another person or material things, or society’s unrealistic standards. 
How I feel about and value myself is far more important than the opinions of other people and how they might perceive me. 
It’s okay to not be okay and I don’t have to hide my struggles. 
All of the things that have happened in my life, good and bad, have meaning and are a part of my story. 

I. Have. Learned. ❤️

It’s difficult to find meaning or purpose while in the midst of the pain. Time and reflection birth revelation and it’s then that acceptance, understanding, and peace will come.


Life is full of challenges.

There is no shortage of heartache and pain.

People will disappoint you; they might even walk away.

There are so many things that happen in this life that are beyond your control.

You can’t predict what will happen.

Even if you could, you lack the inability to dictate the outcome.

What is in your control is how you handle and react to what comes your way.

Choose to push forward.

Choose to learn and grow.

Choose to be thankful.

Choose to be kind.

Choose to live life fully.

Choose to love.

Just. Like. That.

Here and then gone.

Just. Like. That.

Life is precious and tomorrow isn’t promised.

When it’s all said and done; it’s not going to matter how many “friends” or followers you have, how much money you made, or any of the things that society deems so important. The most important thing in this life is whether or not you are prepared for the moment you draw your last breath on this earth.

Live this life you’ve been given.

Take the trip.

Make memories.

Take pictures.

Life Brings Disappointment

When life isn’t working out the way you had hoped, disappointment and hurt can take over. That’s okay. Feel the disappointment, recognize and feel the hurt. 
But then what? 
How do you move past the pain? 
You may start to feel like you can’t get past it, that you can’t deal with any more hurt. You may say to yourself, “I can’t do this.” 
What I know personally, especially having gone through so much already, is that I can’tdo it. I then remember that I’m not supposed to. It’s not my burden to carry because I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father. Instead of being mad at God for your situation, give it all over to Him. He loves you enough to take it on for you.
You might think, why is He doing this to me? First of all, He isn’t. He doesn’t cause our pain, but He does promise to be there with us to walk through it. 
I actually heard a sermon the other day that offers another perspective as well, one that I hadn’t considered. He doesn’t cause the situations that bring us hurt. But, He may allow it. I had to stop and think on that for awhile. 
It’s difficult to understand because we don’t know the end from the beginning like He does. He may allow something so that we turn to Him. He may allow something because there is something we need to learn or an area in which we need to grow. Sometimes it’s just a matter of timing. He may allow something, knowing that it’s all going to work out in the end, but it’s in His timing, His way. 
So, when you are disappointed and hurt, when you don’t think you’re going to make it through the pain, when you don’t understand why things are happening the way they are… 
Give it over to Him. 
Take your hands off the situation, knowing it will all work out the way it’s supposed to. Don’t carry that burden. Be thankful that you have a loving Father that gave it all so that you don’t have to. That is called faith. Believe that He can and will carry you through. He will walk with you through it, to the other side of it all. 

Not Ashamed

I’m so glad that people are speaking out more about mental health matters. It’s not something that those, who are already struggling enough, should feel that they need to hide.

I’m not ashamed, afraid, embarsssed, or too proud to say that I have struggled in this area; more than anyone could even know.

Years ago, I struggled with situational depression following a really tough period in my marriage. That was the first time I had ever dealt with it first hand. I continued to struggle with this type of depression, off and on, over a period of time. Then, I would notice that even if I began to feel better for a good period of time, as soon as the late fall and winter months approached, I would begin to feel the heaviness creep back in. I couldn’t decide if it was due to the fact that the troubled period (that I spoke of above) began around that time of year, or if it was what I had heard referred to as seasonal depression.

Stubborn and strong willed, determined to push through, and believing all would be well; I didn’t really talk with anyone about it or seek help. My doctor would pick up on “signs” and would tell me that I should try and take something that could help. I refused so many times, somehow feeling as though taking medicine would mean that I was weak or didn’t have enough faith. Finally, knowing that there is a very strong family history of depression, she insisted. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I took the medicine and it helped, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of shame about having to rely on medicine to feel okay. I stopped taking it.

Fast forward to the accident that I was in, the one that killed my husband. I was physically hurt, but even when my wounds were healed, I had to face the invisible wounds in my head and heart. That has honestly been a process over the last seven years and is still ongoing. I was diagnosed with PTSD in addition to severe depression and anxiety.

With the help of my faith, the right kind of medication, and intentional work; I have learned to manage this quite well. There are some pretty big unprocessed things that still need my attention, but that’s okay. It’s a process and I’ve learned to value myself enough to make my mental health a priority.

I share this for no other reason than to add my voice to the ones that are speaking out about this very important issue. Awareness is key. I also want to help other people feel more comfortable with talking about their issues and reaching out for help.

Own your story. Speak your truth. Take care of you.